The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
lorde please release another album i feel like i’m going into another stage of my life and i need a soundtrack for it
— 𝖑𝖔𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆 (@leIouvres) May 19, 2019
Grudging respect to anyone who’s able to get women to join a sex cult. I’ve been trying to set up brunch with my friends for three years.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) May 22, 2019
When I carry two full paper Trader Joe’s bags home that IS a workout. It’s arm day. Leg day. Core day. Finger day. Imma A CrossFit Queen. A Barbell Bitch. A Gains Goddess of Groceries.
— Rachel Pegram (@rachelpegram) May 21, 2019
All of my mic drops are accidental.
— Little Miss Angry (@LittleMissAngr1) May 22, 2019
“ah, the joy of meal-prepping!” – me, as i wrap up what’s left of my burrito to eat later
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 22, 2019
remember when you first heard the piano lick from vanessa carlton’s ten thousand miles and your teenage heart lept and said “now that’s what i call music” to every dopamine center you have; still chasing that high tbh
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) May 20, 2019
Olive Garden employee: would you like some chee—
Me: *whipping out the cheese grater holstered at my hip* no need, my man
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) May 22, 2019
every cool girl on ig is dating a boy that looks like a youth pastor what does it all mean
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) May 23, 2019
My boyfriend just shouted “thicc is a spectrum” in a coffee shop
— Chelsea Devantez (@chelseadevantez) May 19, 2019
what a beautiful day for someone to send me $500 for absolutely no reason
— ✰ samflower ✰ (@milkygoddess) May 19, 2019
Arya had sex with a man one time and decided there was nothing left for her in all the known universe lol
— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) May 20, 2019
As a busy and modern career woman on the go, it’s important for me to set aside the time every day to sloppily eat a salad at my desk like a misbehaving horse
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) May 22, 2019
Some of you fought harder to save Brooklyn 99 than women’s rights and it shows
— Sam Reece (@SamanthaaaReece) May 16, 2019
i saw a thing that happens all too rarely: a baby met another baby in the ‘we use wheels to get around’ area on the bus and they both began chatting via grunts, squeals and the occasional yell. can stranger babies just… communicate? are they witches? in my next podcast…
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) May 22, 2019
one of my very first elementary school crushes just got married so i’d like to hop off the adulthood ride now pls
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) May 20, 2019
hear me out: breakfast wine
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) May 22, 2019
my friends 6 yr old sister looked at me laughing and said, “you look like a worm” and i still haven’t recovered
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) May 21, 2019
lead singer: THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT!
me, from the balcony: OH IT WAS NO PROBLEM WE ONLY LIVE 15 MINUTES AWAY FROM HERE
— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) May 20, 2019